I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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