I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
