i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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