God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
