Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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