So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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