HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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