I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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