It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
