just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
