it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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