Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
