Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
