it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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