I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
