I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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