Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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