you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
