If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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