Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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