The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The uberlube is also flammable
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
