She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
