Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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