She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
