i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
