i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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