Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
