do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
