remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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