yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
