Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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