thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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