I hope mine doesn't look like that
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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