Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
