He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
