his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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