i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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