eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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