i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
