You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
