wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
