i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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