Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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