I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
