When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
