I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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