He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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