I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
