We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
