I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
