Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
