So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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