I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
