just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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