I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
