I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
