my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize