This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
