I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
