i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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