Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
