you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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