How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
