is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
