I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
