I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im part way to drunk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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