That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
