oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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