My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
