apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
