Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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