Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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