dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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