We're facebook friends in real life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
