My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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