Whod you bang
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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