I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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